Being human is as difficult as it is natural. There’s as many problems to face as there are moments of ease. Where breathing is rhythmic, following a predictable pattern of inhales and exhales, where waking up simply comes after being asleep. Life is a series of actions and reactions, metaphorically resembling Newton’s Third Law of Motion. Living consists of the transfer of energy on one thing to the next, and we all seem to forget how one action affects the next, and onward. We forget how contagious our energy is, and more importantly how powerful we truly are. These are just the moments of ease. These are the moments that keep life in motion.
But then there are the more difficult times. The times we feel the lack of control over our reactions. The times where the rhythmic breathing fails to be consistent when our chest tightens with anxiety. The times where, though we wake simply after being asleep, we still find it hard to get out of bed.
We form faulty walls as an attempt to protect us from the inevitable. We exhaust energy in a losing fight to justify, “but I’m trying”. We convince ourselves we regain control by being resistant to these natural feelings. That that is what being strong is. That we have learned how to handle those tough times. We learn to numb ourselves.
In doing so, we numb it all. Instead of greeting these emotions with an open door, we make sure the doors are locked and the lights are off. If we are unaware, we are safe – protected. We ignore the knocking and eventually we lose all motivation to walk outside at all. We miss out on the flowers in bloom, the sun setting; the feeling of the soft touch of the breeze brushing past our skin. We decide it’s a risk to open that door and step outside. To feel exposed, to feel vulnerable.
I have learned about the benefits of being vulnerable and the strength it not only requires, but that is gained. Personally, I still find it difficult. It’s uncomfortable, it’s scary. It’s honestly not worked in my favor a lot of times. But after the feelings of humility, anxiety, depression and/or failure subside, I feel a sense of relief and contentment. I feel a sense of strength and of growth. I feel a sense of power.
This lesson is not about the power of vulnerability. This is about embracing being human.
For a long time, I have felt guilt for the times I feel low. I have shut that door, and locked out the negative as if I am solving the problem. But the truth is that it is what this life consists of. The road is not always smooth, just as it is not always rocky.
You say you’re depressed – all I see is resilience. You are allowed to feel messed up and inside out. It doesn’t mean you’re defective – it just means you’re human.
I am in a rut. But I am happy, and I am grateful, and I am human.