bittersweet //

“Happiness. Simple as a glass of chocolate or tortuous as the heart. Bitter. Sweet. Alive.”
~Joanne Harris

You know when you know, you already know?

This morning I woke up at 4, and I started listening to a song called, “Girl on a Motorcycle”. I remembered yesterday morning when I got on the back of my friend’s bike, barefoot, to hitch a ride to the beach to check out a surfboard. After I heard that song, my mind began racing, recognizing all the small things that have become so normal for me here. How those are the moments were a reason I stayed, and how I’ve begun to lose sight of that. How I read articles about going home after traveling, and how they scare the shit out of me. But how after a day or so, I realize I don’t have to “go back” to anything. I’m in control of how I decide my life turns out. So, onward.

Riding on the back of a motorcycle on dirt roads as a usual source of transportation. The most perfectly ripe papaya from the market every day. How I lost my shoes a month ago, and how it still hasn’t affected my life. How every job I’ve had since I’ve been here has required me to be outside: The vegan restaurant, the yoga studio, the lobby of this hotel.

Waking up to the howler monkeys- that sound I’ve always said I hated. The fact that I have had a beautiful ocean view from all four places I’ve lived. Fresh coconut water on the street every morning. The countless late nights drinking boxed wine. How every early morning I wake up without an alarm, rested & happy.

Who knows, though. Maybe I’ll still be here in a month. If I am, I’m glad I at least reminded myself to be grateful for the little things & what’s right in front of me.

While writing this, I watched the sky turn for cotton candy color to a vibrant orange and pitaya juice-pink. It reminded me of photos by Anthony Samaniego.

sunset2 sunset1


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